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Joke of the Day

"Why did the director yell at Kick at the set of Punchkicker 5? Because he said Punch's line."

"Me: you like that? *takes out trash* Wife: ooooh Me *starts vacuuming the living room* Wife: oh my god, don't stop"

"Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn't want to go to the store..."

"There was a failed art theft today... the robber reportedly was foiled because he didn't have enough Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"*gingerly maneuvers the garbage can back into place between a stack of crown molding we'll never use and your antique pesticide collection*"

"Why does salt come in a bottle? Because it's white I don't know why it's funny. I just heard it so can someone explain it to me?"

"I find myself addicted to this website just like my Father before me. Guess why that is? It's He*reddit*tary."

"What stretches more skin or rubber? Skin, because in the bible it says that Moser tied his ass to a tree and walked 20 miles."

"What do you call a donkey throwing nuts? An astronaut."

"Why are crabs always so tired? It's because they only sleep in snatches."