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Joke of the Day

"A local candle shop burned down... it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday"

"With all this media coverage about the clowns... I'll be so glad when the election is over."

"you become your ""real you"" when you are hunched over eating a burrito on the toilet and you look up and see yourself in the mirror"

"Announcer: ""Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!"" [crowd goes nuts] A: ""Well too bad, here's Coldplay"""

"If 2 people having sex..... If 2 people having sex is called a twosome, and 3 people having sex is called a threesome, then I can see why they call you handsome."

"Just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ""probably just shitfaced."""

"I just saved a bunch of money by not paying any bills cuz I don't have a job."

"What did the left ass cheek say to the right ass cheek? Whose the asshole in the middle."

"Duck Joke Q: Why did the duck go to jail? A: He was selling quack."

"Have you heard about the corduroy pillows They were so famous they made headlines."