105288

Joke of the Day

"Have you heard of Helen Keller? it is okay my fellow redditor, neither has she!"

"Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head."

"Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink."

"Homeless Yelp Review: Dumpster behind grocery on Calhoun & Fairfax BARELY had any rotting fruit. Owner chased me off with a bat. 0 stars."

"Eve: I got an Apple. Adam: ... Eve: ... Adam: ... Eve: What? Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android. Eve: The serpent said this was better."

"We call our new maid Non Sequitur, ...because she's Latin and she doesn't follow."

"What do children think of the world? I don't know, this is the first time I've logged onto Reddit, today."

"I'm deeply in love with you. But hard deeply, like demented. Kind of sick if you know what I mean. I will most probably end up carving you up. Want a coffee?"

"Black kids play NBA 2K... and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player. White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible."

"My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers (I have kidney stones)"