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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when you stick a dried grape to the ceiling? Raisin the roof!"

"Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback."

"How many pirates does it take to screw in a lightbulb in China? "

"When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they're judging and disparaging it with little British accents."

"Is anyone on Twitter named Sarah Connor? If so, where do you live? Nothing to worry about, just a simple survey for my neural net processor."

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"Dear naps, I'm sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten"

"So, I got a card from a friend that said ""I'm Sorry"". It was all handcrafted and I didn't know what it was for, but I was flattered. I opened it and it said ""For fucking your mom"" :0 WTF!?!?!?"

"Mr Monster: Oi hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands."

"Q: Why do they call a horse a horse? A: Because they speak English."