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Joke of the Day

"I farted in a room of hipsters... and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first."

"When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door ""don't worry, it's only me"" ~ It's all about the empathy."

"I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that's totally fine, and science shouldn't stop her."

"What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus? An ambulance you racist bastard"

"Why should a woman President never masturbate? Reports that she has her finger on The Button would cause panic."

"What do you call a miniature pension? Warhammer 401k"

"What is a flea's favourite book ? The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !"

"My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we're born 8 y/o daughter: Wife: ZACK!"

"Hey guys where do Chemists come from? ... From the *Stork*iometry. I'll see myself out now."

"How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill. Walking Jk Rowling."