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Joke of the Day

"Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred *Bark!* What is it Lassie? *Bark! Bark bark!* What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well! *Bark! Bark bark woof!* Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time."

"2 black eyes What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, I already told her twice."

"Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell."

"Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary? He ran out of patients."

"I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes."

"What do you call someone who can't turn pancakes? A flip-flop."

"Forget everything you learned in college... ...You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'"""

"Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?"

"Women who build walls around yourselves, please consider putting in a gloryhole."

"""Parodies"" or homages or whatever the fuck they are of the ""Got milk?"" ads are worse than AIDS + 9/11 + a 3rd thing you personally hate."