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Joke of the Day

"Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred *Bark!* What is it Lassie? *Bark! Bark bark!* What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well! *Bark! Bark bark woof!* Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time."

"Interviewer: I don't see a phone # for your reference Me: he is a duck I feed bread to at the park you will have to speak to him directly"

"If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day."

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."

"Went for a run and now I have to find a way to trade my body in for scrap"

"Chuck Norris once urinated in the gas tank of a semi-truck as a joke... That semi-truck is now known as Optimus Prime."

"""I used to be the Internet!"" - The Library"

"I've worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn't noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions."

"I never wanna ""touch base"" with anyone, I type it in emails to sound business-y."

"Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head ""southwest"". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye"