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Joke of the Day

"I put my pants on just like everyone else. With the help of my twelve most trusted cats."

"I found a ten dollar bill on the ground once and thought, ""This is as good as it's ever going to get. Buy some relish."""

"Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam."

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The rooster did."

"Black jokes and Mexican jokes are all the same... Once you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal."

"Mom, I'm sleeping wit the neighbour -That's unacceptable young lady! He could be your Dad! -But Mom, you don't understand. Age doesn't matter for true love! -I didn't say anything about age ..."

"We should all be donating more to mental health charities It really is *fundamental*."

"My lucky number is 4,000,000,000. Doesn't come in handy when you're gambling. Come on 4 billion... Fuck, 7. We need some more dice. 4 billion divided by 6, at least. -Mitch Hedberg"

"Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?"

"what do you call a racist Mexican a member of the que que que"