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Joke of the Day

"The Mob Hey, guess who has both thumbs and owes money to mafia. *Gestures towards self with thumbs* *Puts on a serious face* No one has both thumbs and owes money to the mafia."

"Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum. **X-post : /r/ScienceHumour**"

"When is 100 less than 99? On a microwave."

"Taking their kid to a PG-13 movie must be a tough call for 13 year old mothers."

"Detective: Did your husband have any enemies, ma'am? Wife: Well, the cat next door never really liked Jim, and that always seemed a bit odd."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter."

"In ""Beantown"" for the night. I expected more burritos."

"What does relative humidity mean to a redneck? The sweat that forms on your nuts when you're banging your sister."

"For those of you who voted for Trump... You did the Reich thing."

"Why do blonde girls go to the bathroom in groups of three? Because they can't even"