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Joke of the Day

"I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun"

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change"

"I thought this hot Egyptian chick was hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme. :("

"I've just had my first coffee. To be honest, it wasn't my cup of tea."

"What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg? Alright."

"Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms? Thunder storms just *sound* better"

"Every yo-yo trick should be called ""no friends."""

"I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself."

"Establish dominance by licking the spoon and then putting it back in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner."

"A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. ""Stop being an idiot,"" said one wife who lives in my house."