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Joke of the Day

"What do vegetables watch when they're horny? Corn"

"what's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"How do you keep a blonde in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I want to give a shoutout to sidewalks For keeping me off the streets."

"I had sex with a girl and she kept shouting another guys name Who the fuck is rape?"

"I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... ""Come here Stay! Come here Stay!"" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd."

"A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn't know it was even possible to be this jealous."

"Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER."

"When I die... When I die, I hope it is peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in horror like his passengers."

"What did Hitler do wrong? He didn't finish."