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Joke of the Day
"I wrote a joke about pigeons. Stoned pigeon poetry: High Coo"
Next Joke
"What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom? One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America."
"I've heard that students in Death Valley get terrible grades. They never get above C level."
"Dang you got a good deal on your tattoo and the squirrel's so realistic. What? A portrait of your Mom? Dude I wish my Mom was a squirrel."
"Molestation, mo'problems"
"Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my shit together & yet still insult me for being full of it?"
"You should go to all your friend's funerals... ...otherwise they won't come to yours. EDIT: NOT MINE, a friend told me this one, he also heard it on the radio but doesn't know which context."
"I read a very good book about astronomy last week. It was stellar."
"Beauty tip: Having a bad hair day? Solution: Wear a low cut blouse."
"It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life."