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Joke of the Day

"Hey girl are you my golf clubs? Because I tottaly forgot to take you out of my trunk."

"It's Cultural Appropriation Day.. O wait the Irish aren't Pussies."

"A pianist is currently on trial. He was accused of fingering A Minor."

"Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it Director: Yes but we're filming the movie now, do you see the difference"

"What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine? When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months."

"Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth? Me: Why would I do that? D: ok...[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly] Me: *winks at camera*"

"It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear."

"Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!"

"If I died & went straight to hell it would probably take me 2 or 3 weeks before I realized I wasn't at work anymore."

"I hope I don't catch another weirdo pooping against the side of a 7-11 tomorrow because I'm not ready to love again."