92503

Joke of the Day

"Me: What does that cloud look like to you? 3-year-old: A cloud. Me: No, what do you imagine it could be? 3-year-old: Rain."

"My girlfriend always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door fucking the neighbour."

"What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit? 1 figure, literally and figuratively."

"Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview."

"[24hr news channel] news just in.. *director repeats himself into headset* news justin *justin just sits there* READ THE NEWS JUSTIN"

"How do you make Instagram worthy coffee? #nofilter"

"What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit? Post on Sundays."

"Why do women die from suicide five times less than men? Because they can't climb high enough on the corporate ladder."

"Why do Seagulls Fly over the Sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be Bagels"

"How do you know your dog's cancer is really bad? If the vet says it's mutt-astasized."