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Joke of the Day

"Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child I wanted a dog."

"What are caterpillars afraid of? Doggerpillars."

"What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell"

"I can't hear out of my ear... It's really EAR-itating"

"How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes? Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day."

"Did you hear about the Emu that was so big it was kicked out of the flock? Yeah, I heard it was ostrich-sized. (Credit to my Veterinary Student girlfriend)"

"75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it"

"Kid: How did you meet daddy? Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion..."

"Doctor, Doctor!! I think my wife is dead. What do you mean you ""think"" she's dead, either she is or she isn't. Well, the sex is the same but the dishes in the sink are piling up."

"They tried to record the Juno Satellite launch, but their computers were outer space. Outer. Space."