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Joke of the Day
"The doctor told me I only had 2 years to live so I shot him The judge gave me 30 years."
Next Joke
"What's pretty and expensive but has no use? Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf."
"Why should I excuse your dear aunt Sally? Her operations were not unprecedented."
"Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life."
"I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs."
"Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke? Duck: Please address me as 'M'llard'"
"Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents."
"A hot girl goes to confession She says ""father, I had sex out of wedlock"" The priest says ""pics or it didn't happen"""
"""Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord."""
"If alcohol kills germs and laughter is the best medicine, I'm the healthiest person on the planet."