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Joke of the Day

"Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists."

"Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer? The cat kept fiddling with i.t."

"The Worst Journey in the World by Helen Back"

"""I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy"" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation."

"12 out of 12 bakers agree, there should be one more baker in this study."

"I had to pay $150 for the bowel prep medication before my colonoscopy. That shit was expensive. (Crosspost from r/funny. This fits better here.)"

"""I love you"" can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to ""I got this round."""

"Sell a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you just lost a customer."

"I hope the members of Chumbawmba have those Life Alert bracelets, you know, in case they finally can't get up again."

"Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures."