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Joke of the Day
"What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell? Ereptile dysfunction"
Next Joke
"What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive oil."
"""Dad. Dad. DAD! Please just come home. You promised us you'd stop after Volume 46."" - Creator of NOW! That's What I Call Music's children"
"I never judge people by the color of their skin. That's fucking stupid. I judge them by their cell phones."
"If you're a person who indulges in recreational marijuana use, my daughter was born last Friday at 4:21pm. Sorry I couldn't push faster."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Teacher and student Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know they were catholics."
"Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel? Because he was hydra-phobic."
"Where do baby soy beans come from? they come from edamames"
"""we can put a man on the moon but ___________"" (insert issue that is vastly different)"