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Joke of the Day

"Things that don't kill bees 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming"

"What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy? ""I wish his hands were made of stone."""

"Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face."

"I went into panera the other day The clerk said, ""do you want a side of chips or a French baguette?"" I replied, ""never baguette."""

"Things would be so much simpler if everything was as easy as your mom."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number that you've probably never heard of. I'd explain it but you probably wouldn't get it."

"As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass"

"Have you heard the joke about the butter? Never mind you would spread it around"

"Guy Fieri's parents were two lyrics websites"

"Oklahoma Thunder & Miami Heat... Can't tell if they are talking about a weather report or NBA Finals."