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Joke of the Day

"The inventor of the salad spinner would be spinning in his grave if he would have been buried in a salad spinner."

"Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas."

"I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting"

"Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?"

"If I had a dollar for every downvote... I'd be rich from this post."

"I'll never understand cannibalism... But to eat your own."

"I like my women like I like my car parking spaces... Disabled only."

"Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number."

"Lol how ""take you out"" could mean either we're going on a date or I'm gonna kill you."

"""The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on.... Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."""