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Joke of the Day

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."""

"So we no longer say ""please"" and ""thanks"" in the office? Never got the memo. But I did get one saying it's ok to key impolite people's cars."

"What did the dash say when he failed his exam? ""I underscored."""

"Did you hear the Vikings traded Adrian Peterson? They traded him to the Minnesota Twins because the Twins needed a Switch Hitter."

"A Doctor told a man he had chronic constipation. His response.. ''No shit!''"

"Me: lets go get a drink! Friend: what's the occasion? Me: ... Friend: ... Me: I don't understand the question."

"A teacher challenged 10 of her students to come with a pun each, the whole class would get no homework if one of them made her laugh. But no pun in 10 did."

"Captain Morgan and Cap'n Crunch awkwardly chat at their naval college class reunion."

"Why is Hitler a terrible wingman? Because he's dead"

"A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife."