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Joke of the Day

"My elderly grandfather came over and complained of diarrhea. He repeatedly told everyone ""Shh"". It took us a while to realize he'd lost ""it""."

"Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently not 3, because my basement is still dark."

"What is Al Qaeda's Favorite Football Team? The New York Jets."

"[i get a phone call] ""Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets"" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews ""This is the police"""

"What did Jaws call his solo banking firm? Loan shark."

"Fellas, don't waste your time. Memorizing the lyrics to Gangnam Style hasn't gotten me laid once."

"The three words most hated by men during sex? ""Are you In?"" or ""Is It In?"""

"Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football? Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P."

"What did the gay deer say when he left the bar? ""I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there!"""