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Joke of the Day

"I've just found a Christmas present for my daughter in the loft. I'll take it up to her later."

"Those ""Smoking Kills"" stickers on cigarette packs would be more effective saying ""Smoking Kills Puppies with a power drill covered in bees."""

"Why doesn't the Grinch like knock knock jokes? Because there's always Whos there!"

"Son:Mom! What's a GF? Mom:if you are a good boy,you will get one when you're older. Son:What if i'm not a good boy? Mom:You'll get many."

"*accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*"

"What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend? You Cantaloupe."

"Sarah McLachlan should do a commercial but instead of homeless pets in cages, people in cubicles."

"I'm starting a support group for men who have difficulty ejaculating Let us know if you can't come"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month."

"I saw a midget carrying a TV out of Best Buy I asked, ""Hey, do you need help with that flat-screen?"" He replied, ""Fuck off, this is a Kindle!"""