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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on."

"I'm going out of this world the way I came in it... Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin."

"No Grandma, an iPad is not a new brand of Maxi Pads"

"How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to pick up the phone and call some other asshole to do it."

"May I hold your baby? May I throw her across the room into that pile of empty boxes? Okay, I'll just hold her then."

"Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day."

"Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete."

"[NSFW] A baby was born with no eye lids. . So they used the skin from his circumcision to make them. They said he'll be alright, just a little cockeyed."

"I'm sorry' and I apologize' generally mean the same thing Except at Funerals"

"How does an octopus go to war? Armed."