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Joke of the Day

"At any given moment the urge to sing is just a whim away. A whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away..."

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"Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh...sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT"
"My sex life is like my personal record for the number of days I've been alive I beat it every day"
"Two cavemen in the Ice Age are in their cave. One has a philosophical moment pop into his mind. He then says ""what is *UP*?"". The next caveman says ""I don't know, just chilling what's up with you?""."
"Why does Pinocchio lie? because he's a fucking liar"
"Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors? So they can see the battle."
"Why don't the police protest against BLM? Because they have jobs."
"What is white and lies in the grass? A shleep."
"I like my men like I like my chess players... They know how to make an opening."
"Overheard: Augustus Caesar on New Year's Day: ""I keep writing 'B.C.' on all my checks."""
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