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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between swine flu and avian flu? Bird flu needs tweet-ment and the swine flu needs oink-ment! Ha"

"A Muslim walks into a bar BANG (bomb explodes)"

"Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that."

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history."

"They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me."

"Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby."

"What do you call a discounted Zuckerberg? Marked down!"

"""I must go,"" said my friend. ""Why?"" I asked. He said, ""I need to feed my baby hamsters."" I said, ""That's no way to raise a child."""

"Hey girl.. you ready to [loudly toward the door] TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL *roommate sends in R/C truck with a bunch of condoms taped to it*"