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Joke of the Day

"A: What are you doing? B: Nothing A: Didn't you do that yesterday? B: I havent finished..."

"Vader: Remove my helmet so I can see you with my own eyes. Luke: OK. Vader: On second thought, don't. I have 30 years worth of hat hair."

"What do you call a hooker in winter? A snowblower."

"If swallowing battery acid mixed with Dr. Pepper doesn't turn you into a wizard, then call me an ambulance."

"What do you say to Floyd Mayweather after his arms have been cut off? Whatever you like."

"What do you call someone who really likes balloons? Autistic."

"Why are so many Germans into scat? Because they appreciate the creativity and artistry of Ella Fitzgerald, and enjoy listening to her music..... while pooping on each other."

"I've been playing poker on Facebook. So far I've poked 113 women, but not a one of them have poked me back."

"Thats the thing about incontinence pants.. .. you're in control."

"Money may not buy happiness, but pondering your problems on a tropical island would sure beat pondering them on your couch."