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Joke of the Day

"what does a nosey peper do? gets jalapeno buisness."

"Back when I was a kid there was no internet so people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt."

"The fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."

"Damn girl are you a cougar? No, I am a feminist, sexual harassment lawyer with a microphone hidden under my blouse."

"My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday. I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!"

"I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!"

"Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?A: None. It just lets out a little wine."

"What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it? Nothing. It just let out a little wine."

"My wife thinks it's sexy when she bites her lip. But I haven't had the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip."

"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"