72650

Joke of the Day

"""Daddy, may I trouble you to clean a shocking amount of poo off my genitalia?"" - if babies could talk"

"If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts... Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?"

"What tense do Italians speak in? Pasta continuous."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: ""Damn it!"" The bad sky diver goes ""Damn it!"" ::Whack::"

"After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, ""You know, this isn't working out."""

"What kind of meat can a priest eat on Friday? Nun"

"If your phone gets wet put it in dry rice... at night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronic device for cheap..."

"A duck walks into a store and says, ""Give me some fucking Chapstick."" The clerk says, ""Alright, settle down you feathered cunt... How are you going to pay for that?"" ""Oh, just put it on my bill."""

"Professional women's soccer is so boring. Why am I even jerking off to this?"

"Why is wheat a hillbilly grain? X/post from r/funny Because its inbread"