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Joke of the Day

"I'm so tired, I just typed a tweet into my GPS. It responded with directions to my day job."

"5-year-old: Why are we here? Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions"

"If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we'd find them in about 15 minutes."

"Twitter: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk dial the world?"

"Actual Critic Armani blazer: 20k Gucci shoes: 15k Tag Heuer watch: 50k Friend meets you and says ""Looking Idiot"" - Priceless"

"What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke? One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy."

"Chemistry Student I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na, I don't'. Lucky sod, he's only ever right periodically."

"An awkward morning beats a boring night."

"What's green and comes out of your nose at 160mph? A lambo-greenie!"

"Why do orphans play tennis? It's the only way they can get love."