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Joke of the Day

"I'm so tired, I just typed a tweet into my GPS. It responded with directions to my day job."

"I moustache you a question but I'm shavin' it for later Sean Connery."

"When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there."

"""I nailed that wood so hard I came..."" - Carpenter who really enjoys his job"

"Was giving a door counselling. We didn't get anywhere at first but he soon opened up to me."

"At first I thought maybe HBO had another vampire show. Then I realized that's just what Steve Buscemi really looks like."

"The man who invented the dildo sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected. Only women came."

"Why do they keep making TVs thinner and thinner? To keep up with the content."

"Where do football directors go when they are fed up? The bored room!"

"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."