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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!"

"Hey @realDonaldTrump, try pressing the caps lock key... @realDonaldTrump: O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!"

"The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!"

"I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me."

"What is the difference between Iron man and Iron woman? Iron man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command."

"Red-nosed Rudolph was hit by a 747 and a flock of seagulls on Christmas Eve during a gift delivery over Barcelona The reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane (Courtesy of Colin Mochrie)"

"I can't do this. I think I'm dying. Why does your face look like a donut? ~ me 30 minutes into dieting"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn't know. You weren't there..."

"If you can't handle me at my drunkest, you don't deserve me when I'm sober."

"I get jealous over the little stuff... Why? Because we started out doing that ""little stuff"".."