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Joke of the Day

"Just cause you have 9 lives doesn't give you the right to show it off and run across a busy street....fucking cats."

"What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful? A cheap pansy"

"I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat."

"The Pythagorean Theorem, Newton's Third Law and Bernoulli's Principle walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm not going to get this joke aren't I?"""

"Why are cats against abortion? Because they're CATholic"

"From an Obit: He was always a daredevil His last words were ""Watch this."""

"[Dr's office] ""I have Carrie like reflexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Dr hits my knee with reflex hammer and I set him on fire* No"

"Women are like voltron... the more you hook up the better it is"

"Where do terrorists go when they're on the run? Apparently, they go everywhere."

"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."