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Joke of the Day

"My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me."

"What's the best hotel in the world? Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars."

"Hey thieves, ya know what's easier than avoiding rape in prison? A job."

"I'm so sick of political jokes... I've seen too many get elected."

"Today, I had two religious people for dinner. That makes me an ""ate-theist""."

"There's a new machine at my gym. I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick... It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!"

"Ghost: never eats, never sleeps, moans a lot Vampire: sucks the life out of u Werewolf: human w/ fits of howling Child: all of the above"

"How do you steal a coat? You jacket."

"What do you call somebody who is content being average sized? A happy medium."

"What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can? Stopping it with a shovel"