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Joke of the Day

"Two Grandma's Are Walking Down The Street... One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. The other one replies 'That's because you're standing on your left titty.'."

"""You're an idiot."" -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word ""HAY!"" while pointing at hay for the millionth time."

"Racist: What sign appears on abortion clinics in black communities? ""Crime Prevention Center"""

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I never pay attention ...or something like that... I wasn't really listening."

"That awkward moment the drug dealer charges you extra for the briefcase."

"Why did the witch go commando? She needed some better grip on her broomstick."

"I like my women like I like my coffee, tied up in burlap and thrown over the back of a donkey."

"Why are there no cats on mars? Curiosity."

"Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies? They were too far out."

"When the book of Revelations was written, the writer wrote that the end of the world would be signaled by trumpets. In fact, God had said Trump/Pence."