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Joke of the Day

"The fight against Hilary and Donald If Hilary wins a door to women's rights will be opened and if Donald Trump won the there won't be anyone to open that door"

"Let's say weed does make me dumber. Then you should be thanking me for levelling the playing field."

"If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?"

"Found a fly on his back by my keyboard. So dead. So sad. Put a cocktail umbrella by his head. Now he looks like he's suntanning."

"Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?"

"What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow? You stop milking the cow after ten years."

"Guys whose fathers left when they were young always complain about how they never had someone to ""teach them how to shave"" but it's easy... You start at the ankle and work your way up!"

"My paper towels went missing so I hired a Bounty hunter."

"Went out for a few drinks with some hedgehogs last night... I got spiked"

"I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too."