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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending (duh dun dun chh)"

"How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach? Well..it's not hard"

"What's black and white and red all over? A slaughtered penguin."

"Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear."

"""Let's call it a day."" -Guy who invented that word"

"An Irishman, a Scot and an Englishman walk into a pub... They each enjoyed a pint and shared some laughs. It was a great night."

"What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of? Autumn Leaves."

"If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive."

"Can we have a moment of silence for all the great tweets that never make it out of the shower..."

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."