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Joke of the Day

"Hey, which Instagram filter takes out all the insecurities?"

"Did you read the article about the automated journalist? The story writes itself."

"Joke a friend made up What's black and yellow and makes everyone laugh? A school bus full of black people falling off a cliff."

"My coat is so covered with dog fur that someone's probably going to throw red paint on me at some point today."

"Why does it suck to be an egg? You have to share a room with 11 guys. And it takes you 4 minute to get hard and 2 minute to get soft. The worst part? The only woman that sits on your face is your mom."

"[On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT"

"All I'm saying is there's a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them..."

"Boss: Are you drinking liquor at work? *flashes back to pouring apple juice into a whiskey bottle bc I couldn't find a thermos* ""Yes"""

"So, Bruce Jenner wants to become a women, eh? He's already got the driving part down. http://www.npr.org/2015/02/08/384663218/bruce-jenner-involved-in-fatal-car-crash"

"Surprised ""too much"" still isn't a serving size."