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Joke of the Day

"Me: The Calvin and Hobbes movie was awesome! Her: Idiot, that was Life of Pi. Me: Whatever *gets in cardboard time machine, flies to Mars*"

"If Michael Vick was a Pokemon trainer.... ..he would be a gym leader"

"Hard to tell if the walmart cashier was mad about me having more than 20 items, or if he just hated his life."

"Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters. Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List."

"If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many."

"If I could have dinner with anybody, living or dead, I'd have pizza."

"Classics I have a dream that one day my mum will understand that online games can't be paused."

"""My fellow Americans-"" Barack ""we are working tirelessly-"" Sir ""to make sure-"" Barack. You're still wearing ur xbox headset"

"Did you hear about the overly-eager bread dough? In the morning he was always the first one to rise. He didn't want to be a loaf."

"You can take the girl out of the food court, but not this girl. I'm staying."