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Joke of the Day

"""My goodness, you've grown a foot since I last saw you..."" ...said the doctor in Chernobyl."

"enlarger My wife suggested I get a penis enlarger. So I did, she's 25 and her name is Tiffany"

"Today's weather is perfect for running around with your top down. But these kids at Trader Joe's act like they've never seen nipples before"

"What's the pirate movie rated? PG-13!"

"Heading upstairs to bed last night I started to pull my boxers off... The wife said 'You spoil them dogs!'"

"Black magic is kinda racist, but it's better than nigga wizardry"

"I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up"

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. Won't be needing them anymore then."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves... Free"

"Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?"