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Joke of the Day

"I see you as a glass half full you need me to fill you up"

"If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started."

"What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals? ""2p or not 2p, that is the question."""

"Why are there many black people hanging around my family tree? because im a black man you racist"

"redneck joke How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"No girl jokes. Period."

"Coworker: You're so condescending and arrogant. Me: They mean the same thing so you didn't need to say both."

"My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets."

"Got let out of prison today. The warden turned and asked ""can you take any positives from your time in here?"" I smiled ""Yeah actually, the wife can't ever call me a tight arsed bastard again"""

"I was standing next to a guy before he was brutally stabbed. It was a near-death experience."