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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in"" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter"

"I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him."

"Narcissist? Let's just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me."

"Darth Vader is not that bad... he is the first black guy to admit he is the father."

"Get student loans so that you can go to college and get a job to pay off your student loans."

"what do you call an American Tardis? a reTardis"

"Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country."

"I use to have a soap addiction... But I'm clean now"

"There are four states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives."

"What's pale, lives in darkness and sucks blood? A tampon"