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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I was telling my friend that my chiropodist improved my posture ... He pointed out that it was in fact my chiropractor. I stand corrected."

"What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do? Diddily-squats."

"I ordered a brand-new sandwich maker online. Her name is Svetlana."

"A math teacher had a bird, and he trained it to talk. One day it escaped, and he yelled out the window, ""Polly gone! Polly gone!"""

"Why is the retirement center nicknamed ""the garden""? Because it is full of vegetables."

"What comes after 69?... Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!"

"After decades of study, scientists finally decode whale song. ""Moo. Moo. Moooooooooo. Moo."""

"Pet Review: Horses Cost: Thousands of dollars Pros: Bragging about owning a horse Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth 1.5/10"

"Met with a girl on tinder, Turns out her eyes were on her elbows instead of her face. She looked different than I thought she would."

"Americans: Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products, so say their names properly."