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Joke of the Day

"My wife is from England so I gave her a good Rogering for Valentine's Day. He just left and she seemed to enjoy it, so... score?"

"Why do girls like vampires so much ? They still eat no matter what time of the month."

"You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'"

"What do you call an anorexic Guinea pig? A skinny pig."

"Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she's been calling me w/ suggestions like ""ok write this down, it's called Friends, F-R-I-E-....."""

"Did you hear the news about half-life 3 Me neither"

"His palms are sweaty... His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*"

"If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink."

"I was trying to write some jokes about panhandlers but they just won't work."

"Did you hear about the new drug that makes its users apathetic? It's called Crystal Meh"