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Joke of the Day

"Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard. Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider."

"Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed."

"What's large, gray, wrinkly, and not important? An irrelephant."

"I bring Mayweather with me when I work at customer service... Because he's great at avoiding fights."

"What do you call an Egyption's butt muscle? A sphinxster"

"Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize."

"I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower."

"More outlets please, anyone planning on building anything anywhere."

"Jesse Pinkman created an app that shows which coffee shops are serving Pumpkin Spice flavored beverages... He wrote it in BASIC, Bitch!"

"Why are black people so tall? Their knee grows"