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Joke of the Day

"Dang I didn't make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row"

"Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I'd like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad."

"Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity."

"I read my horoscope today... It said I was gonna come into some money... which is weird because I usually just come into a tissue..."

"1 in 5 American children are now on food stamps which is why we must cut food stamps to reduce their dependency on food."

"What do you call a bisexual Scandinavian A bi-king. I know that was terrible. Also I'm not being racist because i'm from Scandinavia."

"Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they're causing all new problems."

"I have kleptomania but when it gets bad, I take something for it."

"Whats the most essential part of telling a joke about terrorism? an explosive punchline"

"What happens when a frogs car breaks down? IT GETS TOAD!"