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Joke of the Day

"NASA was planning on building a restaurant on the moon They cancelled because they figured it wouldn't have any atmosphere."

"My ex broke up with me but left a bag of chips in my car. 3 weeks passed and I texted ""I still got your chips if you want them."""

"If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they're okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved."

"The CEO of AT&T just got married... The service was okay, but the reception was terrible."

"What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate."

"*calls wife into the bedroom* *dims the lights* *turns on Marvin Gaye* *sexily sweeps toddler's collection of trucks off the bed*"

"Where to dogs who lost their tails go? To a retail store."

"*tries online dating* Oh...oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow"

"With all the complaints about iOS 8 taking forever to install... You'd think that Apple would rename it to iOS ."

"What's 1+1? More than one!"