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Joke of the Day

"No, I don't need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself."

"2 secrets to success 1) Never tell everything you know"

"What's one thing a girl can tell a guy that can make him happy and sad at the same time? Out of all of your friends you have the biggest dick."

"What's a hard drive's favorite band? Data Remember"

"Wouldn't it be weird if you met someone from twitter in real life and all they did is say random one-liners every few minutes?"

"A C++ error walks into a bar... A C++ error walks into a bar. The bartender looks up at it and says ""I'm sorry, but we don't serve bugs here"". The error replies ""But I'm an EXCEPTION!"" Haaaaaaaaaa!"

"3 men asked me out while I was shoveling out my car. Lesson learned: showering and makeup are optional as long you're grunting."

"Women's magazines: 20 pages ""accept yourself"" 40 pages ""loose 30kgs in 4 weeks"" And Cake recipes.."

"Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI? She's a small medium at large."

"I was sitting on an automatic toilet yesterday and it flushed underneath me before I was done. Scared the shit outta me."