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Joke of the Day

"If you show up to a job interview high and tired... You're hired!"

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"I was asked to find the word ""Impost"" in the dictionary. it was next to impossible.."
"2 snails There were 2 snails on the back of a turtle. One of the snails turned to the other and said ""hold on."""
"I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good."
"Why does Santa Claus have a such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year."
"Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own."
"What do you get for the man who has everything? Condoms."
"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"
"What do you call someone who hates cold weather? A southerner"
"How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with ""A man once told me"" ."