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Joke of the Day

"Why was Hillary thrown out of a restaurant? She trashed the bill. Alt punch line 1 (u/Causative): She demanded her own private server and tried to have her meals removed."

"*bites nails* Sorry. Bad habit. I haven't been on a date in a while ""I can see why"" she says, pulling her fingers out of my mouth"

"What do you get when you cross an orthodontist and a secret agent? It's confi-dental"

"Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery? Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now."

"Have you ever eat a clock? Its very time consuming."

"currently texting 'Happy Father's Day' to all the men in my phone to freak them out"

"Is snapping not cool anymore? Figures. I just mastered the Macarena last month too."

"Gravity is such a bully... It always brings us down."

"What do you call a cow...? What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. What do you call a cow that's masturbating? Beef Strokin-Off"

"What do having sex and playing cards have in common? If you dont have a partner. You better have a good hand."