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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets."

"What can think the unthinkable? An itheberg."

"What did one ball say to the other? Who's the dick in the middle?"

"What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire."

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you."

"Why was the New Englander so intent on looking for his khakis? Cuz he needed to pahk da cah in da yahd."

"I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub When I showed up to the party, there was only Juan."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!! - Shorty"

"I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me."