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Joke of the Day

"Act now to enjoy a false sense of urgency!"

"I bought some artwork at GenCon, but I'm pretty sure I got ripped off. I swear they're all a bunch of con artists."

"If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera . You attention seeking hoe"

"So, my friend who hasn't slept in 24 hours just blurted this out... Confucius say, don't leave the chronic masturbator behind. Horny man may come in handy!"

"Why did the squirrel cross the road on the telephone wire? To be on the safe side!"

"Can a match box? No, but glass can."

"Frogs always look like they just found out there's no free Wi-Fi."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 Aye matey."

"""How old is your girlfriend?"" ""She's52"" ""Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"" ""Yeah, actually it's yours"""

"I rode a horse today. In other words, I had sex with Sara Jessica Parker"